The Blessing in Disappointments

Isn’t it funny how we give the best advice when we are not in the shoes of the person hurting? How odd is it that when we are dished the same advice we gave, we are unable to swallow it?

I told Ade, my best friend, who was very disappointed about a job she applied for and didn’t get, to “wear your big girl pants and move on.” It seemed like the best thing to say at that time. We had gone through the entire process together, and after the 3 round of interviews with the “powers that be,” we had danced and thought it was a “done-deal.” It was shocking when she got that rejection letter to be honest.

I cried with her—for all the hours wasted mock-interviewing, researching, and the most painful part: planning. Oh, we had spent hours dreaming about how we would spend the new salary (an extra vacation, new shoes and a “Christian Dior VIII Grand Bal Ceramic Women's Watch!”) I think that was the most painful part to her was the fact that the vacation ended before we even got tickets. Oh well, we needed to move on.

Fast-forward to me, hoping to get a promotion. To be fair, I was supposed to be promoted. The appraisals were perfect, commendations from top-management, I had crushed my targets, and my colleagues were rooting for me. It was a mega-sucker-punch. It hit me when I least expected it, sucked the wind right out of me. Why was I denied? I had done everything I could, yet I didn’t get it. Life was so unfair!

I looked at the list of those who got promoted. I guess they deserved it. I tried to be happy for them, but it was as painful as breathing with cracked ribs. I could see the pitying looks shared by my colleagues as they all looked up from the email at me. I needed to breathe.

What on earth was that? Who took my name off the list?

Why? How? When?

The questions were unending. I barely made it to the end of the day, grabbed my bag and headed for our “corner” to meet Ade, who was waiting for me. Bless her heart—she had a bottle of our celebration wine chilling on ice. I poured out my heart, and we cried together. I think she remembered her still fresh disappointment, so the tears flowed real fast. Then she served it. Cold and ugly: “Wear your big girl pants, go back to work tomorrow and keep being the best at everything you are good at”.

When we were done crying, we concluded the following:

1.      Disappointments are life’s way of keeping you in balance. No one likes the feeling, but somehow they keep you grounded.

2.      No one is ever prepared to be disappointed. If it happens to you, it’s not because you are worse off than anyone, it is just a part of life. Deal with it!

3.      You can’t stop just because what you expected didn’t happen. You’ve got to “man up!”

4.      Make a concrete plan to move on.

I itemized the next step and how to actualize it. One thing was clear: We were leaving no stones unturned.

We both moved on with our best lives, and guess what? Ade got a job two steps above her. She was recommended by her manager, and her life transformed before our eyes. I finally got the promotion, but I was no longer pining for it. I had my eyes on a new role at work, and I was polishing my resume to get it. The new objective? To win all the way!