The Writeventures of Emaleecious

It was a perfectly wrapped ball of yarn, colorful and neat, until one tiny string found its way out of the pack, and everything unraveled. It happened so fast. One minute, everything was together, and the next minute, chaos abound. I think the most fascinating thing for me, was discovering that I didn’t really have as many friends as I thought. My tight-knit friend circle melted like ice-cream in the summer’s heat. I thought I was loved, was I really? Were people merely tolerating me? Am I such a bad person? How couldn’t they see that my world was upside down? Did I give the impression that I always had it together? If I did, I’m sorry! I am human, I don’t have it all together! I want to scream and yell and cry and moan. Instead, I smile and act like all is well. All is not well right now! Look a little deeper. Ask me how I feel, not just because it’s the thing to ask, but because you really care! See the hurt in my eyes that’s rooted straight from my heart. Feel the pain in my soul....

Isn’t it funny how we give the best advice when we are not in the shoes of the person hurting? How odd is it that when we are dished the same advice we gave, we are unable to swallow it? I told Ade, my best friend, who was very disappointed about a job she applied for and didn’t get, to “wear your big girl pants and move on.” It seemed like the best thing to say at that time. We had gone through the entire process together, and after the 3 round of interviews with the “powers that be,” we had danced and thought it was a “done-deal.” It was shocking when she got that rejection letter to be honest. I cried with her—for all the hours wasted mock-interviewing, researching, and the most painful part: planning. Oh, we had spent hours dreaming about how we would spend the new salary (an extra vacation, new shoes and a “Christian Dior VIII Grand Bal Ceramic Women's Watch!”) I think that was the most painful part to her was the fact that the vacation ended before we even got tickets. Oh wel...

  How many No’s are enough? At what point is it ok? I tell myself I’m going to lose it if I get one more no. I think my heart can’t take it. I hear my blood raging within me. My ears are drumming with disbelief, eye huge from surprise? What did I just read? What?? Without my Sphygmomanometer, I already have a clear picture of the reading- 190/150 and I hear my doctor’s voice in my head-“You have to take it easy, your blood pressure is rising too fast, there’s so much medication can cover.” I shut out his voice and put a hand over my left breast, and tell my heart to calm down. Softly babe, let’s not jump to conclusions. I remember the movie 3 Idiots, and pat my heart fondly and tell it, all is well! Does my heart hear me? I think so. It take a long while, but with my minds ear (everyone says mind’s eye, I guess I’m allowed to have a mind’s ear just this once), I hear the brakes screeching to a halt. It takes a while, but we are back on track. The accelerated heartbeat gradually...

  Slowly but surely, change happens.  Just like the buds burst forth after a long winter spell, bringing rays of hope, light and warmth, surely, change will come. Each day bringing an even brighter ray of hope and the trust that everything is beautiful if given some time.  I look back now and I can't help but see it was a puzzle. If I had known it was a puzzle, would I have been more patient? I honestly don't know the answer to that.  At those very dark hours, it seemed I was all alone. Oh, there were people all around me, but not one recognized or fully understood my pain. Like the face mask distorts the face, I wore a mask around my emotions, my fears, my concerns. Of course, a slip here, a comment there, and sometimes, people will pause to ask if all was well. I'd smile and move on, of course all was well. Why wouldn't all be well? Then behind closed doors, on lonely paths, in the shower, I'd scream and shout and ask God why? The dark days- colorless. Bla...

 Sometimes life comes at you so hard, it leaves you reeling and wondering what hit you. Somedays are better than others, you get up, dust yourself and move on. Other days? Not so much. You can't even lift a limb to save your life. You just sit there wallowing in misery, wondering who scammed you into growing up.  "They" made us believe that growing up was that perfect life- no one to tell you what to do, you decide what is important, you just chill and flex, you want to bamba, chill with the big boys , right? Scam!!! The responsibilities are endless. It's like a game where you have to keep alert, or something comes from your blindside, knocks the wind right out of you if you are not watchful. The bills, the job, the career ladder, the relationships, self-development, healthcare, if you are a Nigerian- that one sef dey! ..the list is endless.  One swing, then another, then another, all in quick succession. No one teaches you the art of ducking the blows, you just wing...

  I got a hug today!   …from a total stranger. I was shocked. All I said to her was a “hello” (with a big smile), and she stopped in her tracks. That made me pause as well. Did I say something wrong? I saw her searching my eyes, wanting to know if I really meant well. I offered a smile and proceeded to be on my way.   From my view, it looked like she needed a kind word, scratch that, she needed kindness. She walked like the weight of the world was on her shoulder, back hunched and face long. I wonder what’s going on behind that pretty face. Mind your business babe, I said to myself. I had a class, 3 meetings back to back, and 2 assignments that didn’t look very friendly, plus my backpack felt like I was going camping (could it really be only my laptop and 1 notebook in there?). I had my own troubles, I thought, and needed to be on the move. She raised her hand, ever so slightly, if I wasn’t paying attention, I would have missed it. I stopped again, and asked her...