Within Reach?

I'm sitting on my seat and thinking of my friend Simi Akinseye to myself- There has to be more to all this. 

I mean how hard can it be to be really occupied? I practically have nothing to do. This has been the case for a while now. The highlight of my week is reading an official email that requires me to task myself. I haven't had reason to think outside the box or stimulate my mind since May. 

Everyday I see job vacancies. Everyday I keep searching. Is there really a job out there that I will do and wont complain of boredom? Some of my colleagues are in a meeting in the room not too far from me. I hear them discuss and reach agreements. Progress is being made. They are relevant. In their own way. 

I think I am grossly under-utilized and its such a shame. I'm stuck in a rut right now, in between careers. I am in a field I do not like and I'm trying to cross carpet to a field that really interests me. Its hasn't been an easy journey. I have commitments that hinder me. I have dreams that are somewhat unattainable. I have desires that are somehow beyond reach. The thing I desire is near yet so far. 

How do I get there? How do I leave here? Have I learned the lessons I should here? To be honest, I think I have exceeded my time here, I know I should move beyond this point, but the future scares me. 

As much as I want a change, I am scared of the change. 

What if it doesn't work out? What if I fall flat on my face? What if it gets better here?

So many things whirl through my mind. thoughts. plans. decisions to be made. All that is lacking is action...and of course finances to plod on. I know, Life in itself is a risk and I have reached a point where I am willing to take that plunge, because not to do so will be to deny myself of what will make me be what I want to be.

Where do I go from here? I look in the mirror and sometimes the reflection confuses me. Its still me, but its me in a different form. Its me alright, but its not the me I expected to see now.

I want to be relevant. I know it's not too much to ask for. On the contrary its odd. I know people who wish they were in my shoes with nothing to do. I am thankful I am where I am, but I do not want to simple exist. I want to be relevant. 

Where do I go from here?

Source