Blogger Widgets

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Need to Forgive

Its a lot easier to ask us as humans to carry a whole car, even one loaded with barrels of sludge than to ask us to forgive those who we think have wronged us. Its easier to tell the next person to you "to forgive" any wrong doing than to take our own advice if the situation were reversed.
Sometimes, we pay lip service by saying "I forgive you" but then we still remember 10 years down the road what they did to us and how badly we hurt. 

What's the essence of forgiving if we don't forget it?

Here's how Wiki defines forgiveness:

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Its interesting what happens to us when we fail to forgive as against what happens to us when we forgive those who hurt us.

What happens when we fail to forgive those who wrong us? 
When we hold on to the offense committed against us, we end up angry, depressed and even self-righteous. We stand in the place of judgement and we condemn the "offenders". We take laws into our own hands and treat the offenders so horribly (especially in cases where the offenders don't even know they have offended us). The sad thing is in doing all this, we deny ourselves happiness. We can't move on. We are stuck in the same place because to hold someone down, we need to be able to have roots, whereas to move on we need to be completely free!

Wrists bound by chains.

"Hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured"- Ann Landers

What happens when we forgive those who wrong us?
First remember that forgiveness is about letting go of the wrong done to us and the person who did the wrong. To be frank, its not as easy as it sounds, but its achievable.

doves in flight

Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us. Matt 6:9-13
As Christians, the Good book has given a simple prayer, which if we pray and fail to forgive, we are indirectly asking God not to forgive us because we can't forgive others. How implicating is that?
I mean your prayer says it all...Dear God, I want you to forgive me if I do wrong, just as I have forgiven those who have wronged me...or Dear God, please don't forgive me because I can't find it in my heart to forgive those who wronged me?
Make up your mind what you want!

It has also been revealed in the Qur’an that forgiveness is a superior moral trait: “But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow.” [Qur’an, 42:43] For that reason, believers are forgiving, compassionate and tolerant people who, as revealed in the Qur’an, “control their rage and pardon other people.” [Qur’an, 3:134] 
As Muslems, we are not left out either...It is considered a moral trait to forgive.

Interesting Facts About Forgiveness:

  • Those who forgive are generally happier and (physically) healthier than those who don't
  • Those who forgive are less prone to a wide range of illnesses than their less forgiving counterparts.
  • People who forgive are less angry, more optimistic, confident and compassionate and show a reduction in experience of stress and an increase in vitality

Oh yes!

A word of advice from me to you...Let go of all the hurt and anger. It makes you look younger, feel better and cleaner too!

I wish you luck as you take those pretty steps towards forgiveness. Its not an easy journey but its one worth embarking on, if only for the benefits to you!

I leave you with this video to help you as it did me:

Have an Emaleecious Day!



  1. May God help us all..but really, some people make it hard to forgive them especially the repeat offenders...but grace helps sha

  2. I love the way you rounded this up with passages from both the Bible and the Quran. Forgiveness is the ultimate really i just wish it was easy really.
    Er well, we will keep striving

  3. Forgiveness is truly the magic of life. To see the offender and not the hurt. To be peppered and still remain free from bitterness. To be genuinely happy and free in a world where we're bound to get hurt!

    Contrary to popular belief, though, forgiveness and forgetfulness are not necessarily intertwined. We don't control our memories. What we control are our emotions. We can take out the negative emotions associated with certain memories through genuine forgiveness - but the memories themselves may remain as long as they choose.

    Fantastic post. I love the wiki quote.

    PS - All this list of sources, are you doing dissertation ni? :P