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Saturday, January 19, 2013

What women miss out


I bet you didn't expect me back till probably middle of the year. hehehehe. Its a new year you know?

The first week of the year, I put up a post about what men don't get. Many people told me not to do 'ojoro'.I didn't plan to anyway, so here's my '2 kobo' on what women don't get.

1.Ego of men-
Majority of us grew up hearing these words "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" yet we really don't understand the meaning. Yes, it is somewhat related to his stomach. But remember that man shall not live by bread alone. 
What am I saying? Men are proud beings by nature. They never admit their weaknesses. They were trained to "be strong", "be brave". "A man doesn't cry". 
It is his EGO. A man's Ego is bigger than a mansion. Even among the Christians, it takes grace for a man to get rid of it.  (refer).
Since it is established that man is by nature a proud being, it makes logical sense to say that a man's ego should be rubbed. stroked. massaged. Do what he likes, make him like a VVIP.
I had a conversation with a-9ja-great the other day and he told me something really profound. Women have the power to a man, but all they need is patience and wisdom to know when to use the key. What he said in summary is this- if you want him to do something for you and he has already refused your request, don't get mad or sulk (I guess most of us are guilty here) just let the matter rest for a while, then come back when he is in a great mood and bring it up again. I hope it works for you as it did for me. If it doesn't. Please meet a-9ja-great for a revised edition. LOL

2. Challenge them to keep their promises
More often than not, men make promises they have no intention of keeping. We know this. They know we know and it doesn't make them "behave". We can try this- Remind them of the promises they have made. Tell them it really made you glad when they made the promise. Tell them you trust them and know they will fulfill it. Stroke their ego and make them feel in charge. Leave helpful notes in strategic places. For instance. He has promised to take you to a show. Put up a note (somewhere he is sure to stumble upon it) saying something like "my boo is the best. We are going  to rock XYZ Show" or I can't wait to rock my new dress with my boo at ABC Party.
Remember, no man wants a nag. So let the matter rest. At the end, He keeps his promise, he is happy, you are happy.

3. Sustain their interest
If men see wooing as a project and move on to the next "interesting" thing once they have completed the project, then the women need to up their ante.
Don't let that interest die.
I read somewhere that if your guy is love sick, make sure no woman gives him the medicine that will cure him, else, he will leave you for her. I had a good laugh when I saw it. As funny as it seems, its very true.
Some women are in the habit of just "letting themselves go" when they 'have' a man. That's so wrong! He met you and was interested in you for a reason. Don't be deceived when they tell you that they are after the "inner beauty". Babe, if it was just inner beauty, why do men drool when they see a really hawt hot chick? OK, maybe that's a bit harsh. They really like your inner beauty, but the outer one also has a big role to play too.
Dress nicely, continue your education, educate yourself, learn continuously, contribute to conversations. P.O.L.I.S.H yourself. Please don't shortchange yourself.
I'd conclude this one with an analogy. When we first get a pair of shoes, we are very excited and can't wait to rock 'em. We look for an occasion if none seems forthcoming and make sure everyone sees it and likes it. After a while, the novelty wears off. A new design is on the rack. We still like our shoe (we spent so much for it) but the love is getting cold. Then finally, we push it to the back of the closet when we get the latest "edition". On and on the cycle goes. That's what happens with men and women. If you do not renew yourself, a "babe" will catch his fancy. #justsaying

4. Girl's hostel
Sometimes, the ones we love hurt us real bad. So bad that we can't seem to keep it to ourselves. We need to inform a third party. In some cases, we involve 4th, 5th and even 6th parties. We talk about the incident and don't leave it there, but begin to discuss him as a person. We spread his personality on the clothesline for all to see.
What we do not know is this we are judging ourselves as well. We complain when he refers to his mum on issues he could have taken a stand on. Yet we can't even work on our differences without involving the entire world.
Just remember that when we do this, we haven't only exposed him, we have done same to self.
I am not saying we shouldn't confide in others, what I am saying is have a few persons that you trust (with your life if possible) and don't go about telling the whole world

5. A strong woman
Being strong is not about eating Eba and having power to move a table. (lol)
Being strong is about having the strength to endure even when you think you can't. Its about knowing that we never have it easy all the time. Trials will come, its how you handle it that matters. Every one goes through valleys and mountains at one time or the other in life. When you see some people it looks like their mountain is Everest. For some others their mountain is Wycheproof (the smallest in the world). On the other hand, some people may be going through valleys so deep that you think they are in hell. Yet others may be in valleys that are not deep at all.

Being strong is about being courageous. Being confident in your abilities and power as a woman. Being in control of your environment and those in it. 
We may look weak to the world,but we are strong!!!

I hope I have trashed this well? 

Have a pleasant weekend...or what is left of it.



  1. Every point made well said! I love the being strong most. A man appreciates a woman more esp. When he can pull strenght from her. Even the most egoistic man loves a woman that is not emotionally weak.

    All Well said...

  2. Thank God you have balanced the equation. On the issue of inner beauty, women should not be deceived. Outer beauty is as important as the inner. Even the clerics that advice us to go for inner beauty all have beautiful wives. 'Them too like figure 8'!

  3. Well trashed indeed, happy New Year.

  4. You did a good job Ema, I like your 2kobo. :D

    Great lessons to note

  5. Thank God you've balanced the equation...

  6. You've just graduated from 9ja's Great school of Men! Hehehehehe

    Your points were spot on!

  7. Of course you know what I'm gna do with this article...*wink

  8. Hi, Ema.

    Really sorry it took me forever to read this. It's been open on my PC since you posted. *covers face*

    Damn glad I didn't close the page.

    Good job you've done here.