Sitting At The Table

A few days ago, I spiraled - and truthfully, it was exactly what I needed.

Eventually, I calmed down and almost came here to take down the post. I'm glad I didn't. 

It's okay to unravel sometimes. And since I need to unburden my thoughts, this space becomes the place where I can speak- right here in plain sight.

Lately, I've been thinking of how I used to write years ago, and I miss that version of me. The girl who wrote freely, without overthinking. That was before life got complicated, layered, before I learned restraint, and before I became protective of my growing family and our privacy. 

I still value privacy, but something in me is shifting. I find myself wanting to share again- not everything, but enough. Enough not to be an enigma. Enough to leave a trace of who I am. Enough to document my growth, my wins, my shortcomings, and my becoming. Not to brag,  but to leave a timestamp of my existence. 

I wasn't created to be a flower on the wall. 

I was created to be a centerpiece - a reflection of God's glory on earth. Ephesians 2:10 says it beautifully:

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And Matthew 5:14 reminds me: You are the light of [Christ to] the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden

So, why did I ever think I was meant to stay behind the scenes? I used to think that shrinking back was humility. Now I see it differently. 

The truth is, I am no longer afraid of the light. 

Before, I didn't know what to do when the spotlight found me. I shrank back - unsure, unprepared, uncomfortable. But I am learning that when God shines the light on you, it is an assignment, and He trusts you to complete it.  

Matthew 5:16 says: Let your Light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven

So I am learning to stay visible, no shrinking. 

I have also come to the beautiful realization that:

• God has prepared a table before me
• I belong at the table

Proverbs 18:16 emphasizes this: A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men.

So, I will remain seated at the table - gratefully and confidently. And I will create space for others to sit too.

Because the light was never meant to end with me.
It is meant to reach everyone God will illuminate through me.